Miley Cyrus Wore Pasties to a Party Instead of a Proper Brassiere
09:29:14
Today
in celebrity gossip: Miley Cyrus wore ice cream cone-shaped pasties in
mixed company, plus Edie Falco's bike was stolen, and two more items
that are probably too sad to mention in this column.
We all know how it goes on
laundry day. We've been up since dawn gathering together our soiled
linens, simply intoxicated with the ambition to finally, finally clean our filthy theatrical wardrobes. Yet, a conundrum! How can we wash all
our clothes if we're still wearing some of them? Solution: Improvise.
Sometimes this entails wearing unpleasant, ill-fitting, or straight-up
inappropriate clothing to the laundromat. You know? We do what we must,
propriety be damned. In unrelated news, Miley Cyrus
recently attended a party dressed in long pants (like a man would wear!)
and instead of a blouse or slip or proper brassiere? Ice cream
cone-shaped pasties. It feels weird actually typing out a sentence so
obvious, but there it is. Anyway, according to Us Weekly, Cyrus
wore these aforementioned ice cream cone-shaped pasties "to Alexander
Wang's New York Fashion Week afterparty." Don't believe me, ask the
dishes:
As someone who attended
cotillion in middle school, I can confirm that Miley Cyrus was NOT
wearing proper attire for a nighttime social event in this situation.
Also, I am not sure if you guys know this or not, but at one point Miley
Cyrus was a child star! What on earth has become of this sweet
girl? What a terrible state of affairs our cursed world has fallen
into! What a dark abyss of despair and shame. Are we all living a
bizarro version of a Belinda Carlisle song – Is Heck a place on Earth?
No, Heck is an Alexander Wang New York Fashion Week afterparty. Well, we
had a good run. Goodbye, everybody. Everything is over. Miley Cyrus,
please turn off the lights on your way out. We'll just sit here in the
dark with a lot of thinking to do.
Um, do you want to be genuinely and sincerely sad right now? Okay, an actress from NBC's Chicago Fire, Molly Glynn, was struck and killed by a falling tree while riding her bike with her husband, Joe Foust, on Saturday.
Glynn 46, was riding with her husband in Chicago's Erickson Woods when they were caught in a fast moving storm around 3pm in the afternoon.According to a statement by Glynn's friend, Michael Halberstam, the artistic director at Chicago's Writers Theatre, "She was a loving mother and wife and everyone who met her fell in love with her." [Us Weekly]
Foust, who was riding ahead of his wife, heard Glynn shout that they should take cover seconds before a tree was uprooted and crashed into her and her bike. The actress, who had been wearing a cycle helmet, died in Evanston Hospital on Saturday, September 6, from her injuries.
Oh, and now another one: 25-year-old U.S. The X Factor finalist Simone Battle
has died from an apparent suicide. TMZ reports that Battle, who'd
joined the promising Pussycat Dolls spin-off group G.R.L. upon leaving X Factor,
was "found hanging on a rod in the closet of her bedroom around 8:30 AM
on Friday." In a separate story, TMZ points out that both Battle's
father and friends "didn't sense anything was wrong" with regard to
Battle's mental health, and in fact her recent collaboration with
Pitbull led them to believe she was "excited about where her career was
heading." [TMZ]
More bad news: Edie Falco’s bike was stolen. The first thing you need to know is that it wasn't an ordinary bicycle, it was an electric bicycle,
which is apparently "against the law to ride" in New York. The second
thing you need to know about Edie Falco's stolen bicycle is that it was
the FOURTH bicycle she's had stolen. Why does Edie Falco keep getting
all of her bikes stolen? Well, the third thing you need to know may just
answer that question: "Falco admitted not having locked the bike when
she left it, according to police sources." Quick question to you, dear
reader: Where did you take Edie Falco's bike after you stole it? To a
chop shop? Or did you wrap a bow around Edie Falco's electric bicycle
and pass it off to your nephew as a bribe for keeping quiet about your
bike theft ring? Either way, Edie Falco would like her bikes back,
please.
Let's end with something a little bit happier. According to Buzzfeed, Beyoncé and her husband (some rapper, forget his name. Biz Markie? Nevermind, I'll Bing it later) were gallivanting around Italy eating-a pizza mozzarelle e le vino and waving ciao alla paparazzi.
But then they took a break from all that and popped inside a tiny
church where they interrupted an in-progress wedding with what I'm
assuming was history's most thund'rous record-scratch. That's right,
some woman's wedding was interrupted by the sight of Beyoncé in vacation
attire just sort of popping her head in the door. Click on over to the
'Feed for some images of Beyoncé in a casual bikini top taking an
impromptu photo with the blushing bride! [Buzzfeed]
Here are Joe Jonas and his best bud Ansel Elgort peepin' on some tennis (watching tennis):
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