We all experience those moments of self-loathing, unrelenting
frustration that stems from our own hands. We also seem to hit a wall
every now and then, question the road that we’re on and maybe have a
quarter and/or middle life crisis. It’s not entirely inexplicable.
Indecision, self-doubt, lack of confidence or motivation are all
byproducts of our inner villain. We don’t need to demonstrate a
Dexter-complex to know that we can be the number one cause of our own
failures and downfalls. Fortunately, there’s a solution: we just have to
be aware of this monster inside of us, understand its gameplan and
overpower its dem0ralizing voice.
So, what do you need to know? Listed below are 8 reasons why you,
of all people, are your number one worst enemy, along with how you can
overcome, well, yourself.
1. You Don’t Manage Your Expectations
There’s an ambitious, starry-eyed voice that guides you. Even
louder may be a voice of complete impracticality and unrealistic hope.
Don’t get them confused.
It’s good to expect a lot of yourself, great to forecast good
things coming your way. However, if you walk into every situation with
an expectation to gain the most out of it, you’re going to almost always
come out of it feeling unfulfilled. If you set ridiculous goals for
yourself – say, you’re going to sign up for that gym membership and
commit to a workout every second day after work – you’ll either burn
yourself out and crash or let go of the commitment and experience some
measure of having failed yourself.
This becomes especially dangerous when you mismanage expectations
that are outside the sphere of your control. Expecting others to act a
certain way, expecting your boss to reward you in the near future or
your favorite sports team to win the championship – you have little to
no control over these matters and will experience devastation if things
don’t work out your way – all due to the mismanagement of your
expectations.
Make sure that you set realistic goals for yourself – don’t bite
off more than you can chew. Understand that you don’t control things
outside of your own sphere. Look towards, but don’t expect, that next
raise or promotion. Be realistic. If we expect to get everything, we’ll
be left feeling unfulfilled; if we don’t expect much, we’ll be left
feeling content with what we’ve gained.
2. You Fail to Appreciate the Small Things
We don’t have much time on this little blue rock that’s hurdling
through the universe, but that’s no excuse to rush through life and only
focus on the big things that seem to matter. You want a car, a house, a
good job, a loving husband or wife, two kids and a dog. Or cat. That’s
all fine, but in the pursuit of these goals we fail to take a second and
appreciate the smaller things around us. The aroma rising from a cup of
coffee in the morning, the cool breeze that follows a rainfall on the
hottest day of the summer, the peculiarity of a cloud. Even the small
things you do and achieve on a daily basis matter.
One of the fundamental goals in everyone’s life is to have a
pleasurable time here. When you begin to appreciate every little thing
before your eyes, on a day to day basis, you’ll undoubtedly feel
enriched. The trick is to keep up with it, as concerns or problems will
always bog down our mind and distract your attention.
This becomes especially important in the context of our own
success. If we fail to appreciate the small things that we accomplish,
we’ll begin to lose a sense of self-respect. If you’re constantly
worried about landing that new job, not realizing that you’ve learned to
become a master of living on a tight budget in the meantime, then
you’re overlooking something that can provide you with a feeling of
self-respect. If you find yourself having to bike to work because you
need a new car, appreciate the benefits towards your health. It requires
a degree of optimism, but taking into account all the good things you
do on a small scale helps build your confidence, motivation, and
self-respect.
3. You Take Too Much For Granted
Similar to the point made above, this quality of your inner enemy
is by far the most pervasive. Every now and again we’ll donate to a
charity and count our own blessings, or witness someone close to us
experience a tragedy that will result in our own feeling of gratitude
for not having to go through what they’re going through. Why aren’t we
doing this every day?
If you’re reading this then you’re somewhere with an internet
connection, likely with a roof over your head and some time to spare.
When was the last time you stopped to truly appreciate your
circumstances? And why should we even bother?
When you don’t take things for granted, you simply squeeze more out
of life. We always hear, ‘kids in Africa…’ but do we really take time
to stop and think of how privileged we may be in the midst of all our
complaining? Whether it’s our health, our abilities, the love from
friends and family, our hobbies, our freedom from outright tyranny or
war-like conditions – we all have something that we can be truly
grateful for.
4. You are Your Own Worst Critic
Don’t get me wrong – it’s good be a strict judge of your own
character. The problem arises when you take it too far. When you
constantly criticize and find faults with what you do and who you are,
you’ll never reach a necessary level of satisfaction to be truly content
with yourself.
If you tend to judge yourself too much, you effectively hold
yourself back; if you sell yourself short, you’ll never experience the
full value of your potential. Get to know this voice that criticizes
you, try to understand where it comes from and why it is that you listen
to it. Don’t beat yourself up over every mistake – after all,
experience through mistakes is a perfectly sound method of learning.
Constantly over-criticizing yourself will hold you back, hamper your
confidence, and make you dwell on things that may not even matter.
5. You Over-Analyze
Another characteristic of human nature – we over-think absolutely
everything. We can go around in circles, contemplating solutions that
aren’t necessary, relying on assumptions that are ultimately false.
There’s a struggle between our mind and our instinct, our brain and our
heart. We come up with an initial answer to a problem, then
over-complicate the matter and do a complete 180. But, it’s good to
think things through, is it not?
While it is important to think carefully about certain matters,
over-thinking them can prove detrimental. For instance, if your next job
interview leaves you with a bad feeling (say, you know that your boss
would be a real pain to work under), and you instinctively say no, your
rationality may eventually override the decision and lead you to take
the position because of the other benefits that surround its
acquisition. Before you know it, you’re stuck in a miserable
circumstance for eight hours a day, later realizing that it’s not worth
those benefits.
To avoid unnecesary over-thinking? Trust in your instincts, break
problems down and don’t put too much emphasis on idealizing all the
potential implications of every decision when a simple pro/con list may
suffice. Ensure that you’re not basing decisions upon misled or faulty
assumptions – our mind will mistakenly fill in certain blanks to
ascertain a desirable answer.
6. You Prefer the Easy Way
When life gives us lemons, why should we bother to make lemonade
when we can just go out and buy it? Short cuts are a way of life, and
though they may be a necessary time saver, they detract from our sense
of working towards something – earning it.
Working towards something affixes a certain meaning to it, develops
your sense of appreciation and contributes to the great sense of
accomplishment at the end of the road. Your inner enemy holds you back;
if you never go the extra mile, you’ll never experience the extra
rewards that may come as a result. You can’t expect full results while
using only half the effort. It’s in our nature to avoid inconveniences,
but oftentimes they’re called for.
Next time you have to go well out of your way to complete a task or
help someone, just do it. Ignore the lazy voice in your head and agree
to take the hard way once in a while. You’ll learn a lot about yourself.
7. You Assume
Projecting certain assumptions onto certain situations can be
disastrous. Our brain works to fill in the gaps however it can, forming
answers on faulty presumptions if necessary. If you assume your spouse
is mad at you for something you may have done, it’ll lead you towards
developing a defensive stance or counter-attacking when no concern may
even be warranted. Don’t assume that someone may be mad because XYZ
happened when you’re unaware of ABC. We make this mistake countless
times, all because we subconsciously fill in the blanks with answers
that are incorrect.
To prevent this, you have to understand your train of thought.
Don’t place your own standards on others, m0ral or otherwise, as
everyone is different and thinks a different way. Rely on valid facts,
not just assumptions, before deciding on a particular course of action.
Understand that you may not know the full story behind everything you’re
involved in. Many times, we must rely on nothing but an assumption –
just don’t invest too much into the outcome when you’re dealing with
unknown circumstances.
8. You Doubt Yourself
The cliche piece of advice that every parent gives you. And for
good reason. Self-doubt is, in itself, unwarranted. If you’ve failed at
something and ultimately doubt that you can do it, it’ll only prevent
you from progressing. Oftentimes, self-doubt may just be an
unwillingness to do something.
There’s a difference between self-doubt and low expectations. Low
expectations may lead to a sense of pragmatism, whereas self-doubt may
force you to neglect your potential; the former doesn’t hamper your
effort whilst the latter certainly does.
Under no circumstances should you ever doubt yourself. When it
comes to your potential, realize that the sky is the limit. Use your
sense of realism to evaluate the consequences of your action – don’t
just pessimistically assume that your action will have unfavourable
consequences. Take this time-tested piece of cliche advice into
consideration.
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